As much as it pains our staff to break the fourth wall, it’s probably best just to be entirely clear: This story, and all of the stories published on Pages 1, 3 (with the exception of this letter), 7, and 8 are entirely facetious. Today is the first time in recent memory that the Advocate staff has published on April Fool’s day, and we just couldn’t pass on such a golden opportunity. All the content on pages 4, 5, and 6 are factual.
No ill will was intended, and while a lot of the content addressed is personal or specific to Mt. Hood, we thought that’s exactly what makes it a good hoax. The Advocate, in all seriousness, supports the upcoming bond measure, and very much appreciates any citizen’s contribution to the college.
Please understand, any programs or people mentioned are done so only because they are part of what makes Mt. Hood what it is. All absurdities are meant as hints to the story’s status as a hoax, except for Salmon-Man. He is definitely a real superhero… but seriously, we’re kidding.
So to be totally clear, the cover is a hoax.
We are still named Mt. Hood Community College; the Portland Trail Blazers are staying in Portland, and the effort to pass a general obligation bond in late May is actually picking up steam (see our story on the campaign’s financial backers in next week’s issue).
Also if you read some of our online content especially the ones marked with a salmon at the end, please don’t cut our funding; we didn’t mean that either.