POSSIBLE CURE FOR OUR PHYSICAL, MENTAL, AND ECONOMIC WOES

Legalizing it would just, like, fix everything, dude. I’m telling you.”

These sage words, and various iterations of them, have been uttered by just about anyone who’s ever gotten stoned on a couch and attempted to discuss the finer points of federal drug policy since the inception of the 1970 Controlled Substances Act and cannabis’ subsequent classification as a Schedule I drug. Most are familiar with the rhetoric, but for those of you who haven’t had the pleasure of listening to a hippie wax philosophical about the rationale for legalization, here’s a brief summary of the main points:

No. 1, it cures everything. Literally everything. Can’t sleep? Smoke a doobie. Irritable? Anxious? Constipated? Burned out? Bored? Smoking weed can cure all of these. Aside from its historical medicinal properties, the cannabis plant’s industrial applications are manifold; it’s one of the most versatile plants out there. Plastic, canvas, lubricant, biofuel: You name it, it can be made out of hemp. The seeds have Omega-3s, for crying out loud! On an ethical level, this country was founded on the concept of personal liberty, of an individual’s right to choose their own lifestyle, and cannabis prohibition spits in the face of that.

Speaking of prohibition, didn’t work out so well for alcohol, did it?

In fact, the smear campaign against cannabis came at the behest of the cotton tycoons of the early 20th century. The criminalization of cannabis is rooted in racism, from its earliest days (reefer-crazed black men are going to steal white women!) to its current application in the drug war, a war which many say disproportionately targets, incarcerates and systematically disenfranchises people of color. This war doesn’t come cheap, either. The taxpayer cost of keeping pot illegal and enforcing that is astronomical.

It’s this last part that has attracted and convinced lawmakers in the past decade or so. More and more the pro-cannabis rhetoric has shifted from “It’s the right thing to do, man,” which is debatable, to “There’s a reliable market for it and the government is missing out on a chance to collect tax revenue,” which Oregon consumers have indicated is not in question.

In fact, the numbers for the first round of cannabis taxes collected statewide across Oregon were released in October. And the proceeds are split up into five main branches.

Out of the $85 million to be distributed to state programs (after the OLCC – the Oregon Liquor Control Commission, charged also with overseeing legal cannabis endeavors – reclaimed its initial investment amount), the State School Fund takes the lion’s share, $34 million, or 40 percent of the total.

Next is the Mental Health, Alcoholism and Drug Services account, which received $17 million (20 percent). Next are the Oregon State Police, who got $12.75 million. The Oregon Health Authority got just over $4 million, and the cities and the 36 counties of Oregon received $17 million, the divvying up of which is somewhat complicated (it depends on population, and if a county/city contains a dispensary, growers, etc.).

Wonderful! It all worked just like pot advocates have been saying for literally decades. Budgeting issues solved.

And they say stoners can’t do math. Take that, Mr. Henderson!

People who actually have to do math for a living are somewhat less enthusiastic about legalized cannabis’ efficacy as a cure-all, however.

According to The Oregonian newspaper, “it’s important to keep in mind how much it costs to operate the state’s K12 system: roughly $30 million a day,” per Otto Schell, legislative director for Oregon PTA.

In other words, all the weed that was sold from Day One of legalization, until October 2017, paid for…a single day of school.

So, can cannabis fix all the things that pro-cannabis campaigns have claimed? Probably not at the current rate of use and/or taxation. While it certainly doesn’t hurt, if we really want to fund education to appropriate levels using cannabis revenue, we have two options:

We can increase the amount of tax applied to each cannabis sale.

Or we can all promise to smoke way, way more weed than we currently are.

Get crackin’. For the kids.