THE ROAD TO CLARITY

I once was a stoner like you,

Smoking fatties as big as canoes,

Selling copious amounts

I could flip half an ounce

Just as fast as a kid ties their shoes.

 

It was grand, for a while, in truth,

All the fabled excesses of youth –

Music, food, sex – were better

Like a dumb Irish Setter

I was happy, and safe from reproof.

 

All my problems seemed quite esoteric

I was safe, in a vault, hyperbaric,

I would smile and sigh

As the world dawdled by

Far removed, I could finally bear it.

 

It didn’t quite happen at once,

It was more like a matter of months –

But I dated a lady,

We can call her, say, Sadie

Who abstained from my bongs, pipes

and blunts.

 

And she told me quite plainly that she

Didn’t like anyone who smoked weed

And so I, the pushover,

Went and got clean and sober

Though I definitely felt like a dweeb.

 

Me and Sadie eventually split

Newly single, I took a fat hit

And I coughed and I coughed

With no water to quaff,

Taking breaths as my lungs would

permit.

 

Once my baby pink lungs had subsided,

My attention was caught, undivided

By the startling fact

That the bowl that I’d packed

Somehow no longer got me excited.

 

So I guess all it took was a year

Spent unfuzzied, unmuddied and clear.

Though at heart I’m still fond

Of the reefer, the ganja,

I think I’ll just stick to good beer.