Respecting personal identity choices amongst others

If you know about the color wheel, then you know that red, blue, and yellow are the primary colors and that green, orange, and purple are the secondary colors. And when these colors want to go lighter or darker, they add white or black. We call black to green “dark green,” and we call white to blue “light blue.” But when red wants to go lighter? We call it “pink.”

Why does light red suddenly conjure up the name “pink”? Did light red want to be called “pink”? How would it have asked us, if it did? This brings up something I truly believe in: We should call someone whatever they want to be called, and respect it.

When I was growing up, I had problems with name-calling, like most kids, but all that went away (eventually). Yet it was replaced with another problem: My name, “Jakob,” turned into something I didn’t want to be called. The sound didn’t feel like who I was; the two syllables pierced my ears in hateful disgust, which people would call “being triggered.” So, I asked people to call me Jake instead, and it seemed that was that. But when my mom wanted to get my last name changed in court to my stepdad’s last name, Enemark, I got excited to think that I could change my first name, too. I asked her, and she defensively argued that Jakob was simply the name I’d been given. I responded hatefully that her choices had also given me the last name “Miller.”

Yeah, I was mad because she didn’t respect my decision to choose what I was called – in effect, to determine my own identity.

Over time, I’ve learned not to be triggered about my name so often (even though the trigger still brews, deep within me). My mother named me Jakob when I was born, because she thought I looked like a Jakob, and she thought spelling it with a “K” made more sense (it does).

So, what’s in a name? Names are identities, ways of recognizing ourselves as well as identifying ourselves. Wanting to be called Jake is just a respect thing, my way of choosing who I am.

Now, I think it’s a little late to switch pink to light red, and I also think court isn’t fun enough to make me want to change my first name on paper. But I’m happy with how people respect my decision to go by Jake, and I will respect what others want to be called as well. If you want to be called “Jeff” instead of “Jeffery,” no problem. If you want to be called “Mike” instead of “Megan,” easy. And if you want to be called “pink” instead of “light red,” sure. Go you.