Survivor turned advocate speaks out at silent march

A silent march, organized by ASG, took place on campus on Wednesday night. The event was called “Take Back the Night,” and brought together students and faculty to show their support and solidarity for survivors of sexual assault. Among the speakers at the event was Lynn Fairweather, a survivor-turned advocate for victims of sexual and domestic violence.

“When something bad happens to you, you’re probably going to be upset about it for quite a while no matter what, but if you can take that experience and you can use it to help other people who are going through the same thing it takes some of the sting out it, makes you feel like you’re doing something,” she explained.

Fairweather describes domestic and sexual violence as a “public health crisis,” noting that 1 in 2 American women, as well as 1 in 6 American men, have or will have experienced sexual assault/harassment of some sort.

“I think it’s important for people to know how incredibly common this actually is, particularly for people in college,” she said. “I believe that the university and college system, in particular Greek life (fraternity-sorority groups), has a little bit of an issue with normalizing behaviors that are criminal, frankly.”

Although Fairweather identifies as a survivor in her work as an advocate, she didn’t delve into those personal details, saying that she “didn’t want the focus to be on” her own experiences. In 2012, however, she published a book, parts of which felt like “publishing my diary,” she said. She describes the book, titled “Stop Signs,” as “very much an informational guide,” albeit one that frankly discusses some of her experiences as a survivor of domestic abuse and sexual assault.

“(It) was really weird to have not even told my family what happened and then publish it in a book. I got kind of different reactions from some people than I thought I would and that can be hard for survivors… when they come out, sometimes they tell the wrong person and that person doesn’t believe them, or that person says it’s their fault and that is something that would make someone go back into the shadows,” she said.

Although fear of this exact scenario has silenced victims of sexual assault for decades, there is hope that the culture is changing.
“In the Stanford rape case… that got a lot of attention,” said Fairweather, discussing the 2015-2016 Brock Turner rape case. “That person was brave enough to give her name even though that’s not something that’s normally done – the media doesn’t normally reveal victims’ names – but she allowed it, she allowed her face to be shown and she was very public about it because she knew that the shame wasn’t on her: It was on him.

“Another thing that’s come out of this that’s really great is the involvement of men in the conversation,” said Fairweather, who applauds their efforts toward trying to change the culture.

“I think many men out there are themselves fed up with the cult of masculinity that makes them believe they have to be this and they have to be that, and I think a lot of them are wanting to be more involved in stopping domestic and sexual violence,” she said. She also noted with approval the push for more bystander involvement.

Fairweather urges survivors of sexual assault to take immediate, decisive action.

“Please access help, preferably as quickly as possible after the event as possible,” she said. “Accessing that help, medical help, counseling, a protection order … there’s actually a 72-hour window to collect medical evidence. After that (technicians) can’t really get DNA, so it is crucial that survivors get that help as soon as they can.”

She emphasized that seeking out this help “doesn’t mean you have to report or prosecute at all” – but these actions are critical to following through on those options.

Though seeking out this help can be difficult or emotionally overwhelming for a survivor, Fairweather stressed its importance.
“As hard as it might be to talk about, if (you) stuff it down and just try to move on with life, that experience has a way of staying with you and it pops up at other points in your life if you don’t deal with it head on,” she said.

She advises victims of sexual assault to contact local advocates, campus Title IX coordinators, and to contact RAINN (The Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network) at 1-800-656-HOPE.