THE POWERS OF MARIJUANA

I have this friend – Timmy – and when he was little he wanted superpowers. This of course, was perfectly reasonable, because there was a time in our lives when we all wanted some form of a superpower.

Sadly, with growing of age comes the acceptance of reality, and Timmy knew that superpowers were delusive. He soon came to accept the fact that he would never have superpowers, until several years down the road. Unlike the rest of humankind, Timmy can say that momentarily he had super powers. But for one night only – the same night he just so happened to get stoned for the very first time.

It was a summer night, and it was the eve of his brother’s wedding.

Timmy and his siblings decided to blow off some steam before the big day, so they took on the town, aimlessly wandering around the waterfront. After devouring a dozen of Voodoo donuts, and interacting with some quite peculiar people, the bride-to-be whipped out an oil pen and began puffing away. Timmy thought to himself how much she resembled Cruella De Vil, not in the evil manner, but the way she held the pen, mimicking Cruella’s Opera cigarette holder.

Of course, Timmy wanted to try this pen, but did not want to ask. As the night got darker and he waited patiently, he was finally offered to take a hit. As clueless as he was about smoking, he was doing what he was instructed to do – suck in until the light turns green – it took about seven seconds for that light to turn green.

Those were some of the longest seven seconds of Timmy’s life. After taking his first dab, he had a pleasant exhale followed by an abrupt coughing spasm, which nearly brought back up his donuts. While being on the verge of coughing his brains out, he asked himself – why the hell do people do this? It’s so painful.

Before Timmy knew it, he finally overcame his cough attack, and then took a second dab. Now remember, Timmy had never smoked before;  therefore, within minutes, he was smelling colors. Knowing that Timmy had to go home soon, his siblings thought it would be best to stop by a convenient store and pick up some Gatorade for him.

On the way to the store, Timmy sat in the back of the car, letting his mind wander in ways it had never done before. He began talking up a storm about anything that popped into his mind, and was very honest about it – very honest.

When Timmy rolled up to the 7-Eleven at three in the morning, he hopped out of the car and stumbled to the front door. When entering the store, for some peculiar reason, there was an absence of the ringing bell above the door. At the time, Timmy’s mind was much too serene to notice. Making his way to the back of the store, he found his Gatorade, and headed to the checkout.

Startled by my appearance, the cashier looked at me curiously and said, “Oh you startled me! I did not hear you come in.” Hearing this, an immense smirk grew on my face. I waved my hands in front of my face, looked the cashier in the eyes, and said in a whisper, “I am invisible. I have superpowers.”