Advocate ventures for haunted house reviews: House of Shadows

Every year, the Jehovah Witnesses turn off their porch lights and the small children of the world dress up like their new favorite TV character. Parents get ready for a night of children high on sugar. Teenagers ponder whether they’re too old to put on a costume, and if the candy is even going to be good. Adults over 21 dress a little risqué and drink a little more than they should. Pumpkins show up everywhere, in a white girl’s coffee, outside every grocery store, and, my personal favorite – in pie.

Every year, Halloween comes and for basically everyone too old to trick-or-treat and too young to buy alcohol, this means haunted houses. The nice thing about haunted houses is that they are basically run throughout all of October. Haunts also come in a wide variety. This variety of haunts is nice, because some people like to bring their children, while others want to be actually scared. (gratuitous, does it really paint an image better than simply saying they were terrified?)

Here are some of the Advocate’s haunt reviews!

House of Shadows

Gresham is the home of The House of Shadows, one of my personal favorites. This haunt is not for anyone who is easily scared or has children. Why, you ask? Because it is full-contact, you must be 18 or over, and you have to give a camera two thumbs-up before entering, twice. After buying tickets, you enter and exit a bus, along with a couple shipping crates.

A cute touch of the entrance line is a smoking stripper. The actress for this position gets to smoke real cigarettes (obviously picking the right spot outside), while dancing in a cage. The most notable thing about her, though, is that she has nothing on the Golden Dragon dancers, meaning she is not hot and doesn’t have pink eye. After the stripper you end up in another ship crate, waiting to enter the actual haunt.

Before entering the haunt, people are lined up and, for the second time, have to double thumbs-up the camera. The group in front of my own was made up of six people at first, but while waiting for our turn to enter, four of their members came running out of the door. After checking the House of Shadows Facebook page for their Terror Tally, I learned “17 people couldn’t make it past the front door” and “153 couldn’t make it through.” Telling you now – my group made it all the way through.

Upon entering the House of Shadows you find their signature saw man – spoiler – he’s at the front every year. Like any haunt, it’s basically a maze with no dead-ends. There are some exciting parts when you can’t get past certain areas due to very persistent and freaky actors. At one point my best friend was picked up and forced into a box. This was not a surprise to me, due to the fact that it had happened to me the past two years I’ve gone – gotta love boxes. My friend later told me she had to walk through a haunt area by herself.

During one point in the haunt, I was thankful for zipper pockets. Before entering we were told to not bring in anything. I’m telling you, don’t bring in anything. No cell phones, wallets, keys, or money – you will lose it. Though I lost none of these, I almost lost my shoe. Thankfully I wasn’t one of the 14 people who did lose a shoe.

According to the Terror Tally Facebook post, 41 pieces of clothing were lost, the fourteen shoes, five earrings, 13 cell phones, 27 people wet their pants, four were scared shitless literally, two people vomited, and two fainted. This haunted house has definitely been my favorite scare for the past two years, and it’s right here in Gresham.