Ask Jax, Nov. 6

My friends make homophobic jokes often and I’m not sure if I am comfortable coming out to them yet. I’ve come out to my family already. Should I keep my secret?

Signed, Worried Gay

Worried, I know it’s unconventional, but sometimes its best to fight fire with fire. Invent your own brand of humor – heterophobia. Sample conversation: “Hey man, can I borrow a pen?” “No, hetero.” If they don’t get it, just follow up the joke with some prolonged eye contact to leave them wondering.

I’ve been a Christian all my life and my friends have pressured me lately to party and drink. I want to have fun with my friends, but I’ve been taught that is bad. What should I do?

Signed, Man of God… and Tequila

All right, compadre – first off, why tequila? Are you trying to party, or wake up shivering and naked? Also, designer drugs were pretty much invented for people in your situation. Do you think anyone actually likes Kratom or Salvia? Answer: No, they just want to turn up and then go to church the next day and not feel guilty.