Blumhouse should have quit while they were behind

The world has been at peace for many months. The horrors of Jem and the Holograms is far behind us and it looked like we might finally be free of the ultimate terror. But, of course, such evil cannot stay away for long: Blumhouse has returned.

From the makers of “Paranormal Activity,” “Insidious,” “Sinister” and pretty much every single slapped-together, non-­scary horror film from the last nine years comes THE DARKNESS. This time, they couldn’t even be bothered to come up with a decent name. “The Darkness” could mean absolutely anything! It’s not even really about darkness, it’s about Grand Canyon ghosts. I wish I was making that up.

The worst part is that the film’s opening scene has such promise. The camera angles and the way people refer to each other create an air of mystery and suspense. When the main kid walks into the cave where the ghosts live, you almost begin to feel a chill of actual horror, something that is a rarity in a Blumhouse picture. The next scene immediately messes it up by having the kid talking to an imaginary ghost friend, which his parents naturally ignore. Then weird and spooky things happen, nobody makes any smart choices, and the ghosts make absolutely no sense.

In other words, exactly what we have seen a million times before.

Kevin Bacon also makes an appearance as the caring and slightly flawed father who learns something. It’s super interesting. Oh well, at least the bacon number of all the actors has increased.

If you want my advice, stay far away from this movie. Every time you buy a ticket to a Blumhouse film, you are consenting to at least six sequels and another batch of uninspired hack pieces. If you want to watch a good horror film, go re-watch that old VHS of “Alien.” Heck, even “The Witch” would be a preferable experience. Anything but Blumhouse!