Domestic violence can manifest in multiple ways

Domestic violence isn’t always physically violent in nature. When people think of violence, they think of physical harm without really considering the mental and emotional harm done to the victim. There is always pain and a sense of being scared when in a situation of domestic abuse, no matter the age or gender.

People generally abuse others to feel like they’re in a place of power and to control other people to do what they want. If someone has never been in an abusive relationship before, they may not even know that they’re in one, or want to leave – they think their partner is just overprotective.

An abusive relationship contains these traits, by the abuser: insulting, demeaning or embarrassing put-downs; controlling who you talk to or where you go; acts or looks in ways that scare you; acts like the abuse is no big deal, denies it or tells you it’s your own fault; and more.

There are days where the victim may feel like they have no one  to turn to or talk to, because they think it’s humiliating or embarrassing to ask for help. It’s not. A source of help is The National Domestic Violence Hotline (The Hotline), which is the only national organization that directly serves victims of a relationship and their families and friends. They provide help with victims 24 hours a day, seven days a week, 365 days a year. There’s another project called loveisrespect, which helps teens and 20-somethings learn about healthy relationships and dating advice.

The Hotline and loveisrespect.org are free, anonymous and confidential.

According to The Hotline, over the last 20 years more than 3.8 million people have received help from The Hotline and loveisrespect around issues of domestic and dating violence.

Records of contacts 2015 show a 15 percent increase in calls, chats and texts received. The types of abuse reported was: 84 percent emotional/verbal abuse (degradation, threats, insults, humiliation, isolation, etc.); 59 percent physical abuse (hitting, biting, choking, etc.); 19 percent economic/financial abuse; 8 percent sexual abuse (rape, exploitation, coercion, etc.); and 5 percent digital abuse (steal passwords, constant texts, etc.). Many victims experience multiple types of abuse, which can cause them to shut down or not show any indication to people they interact with on a daily basis.

Victims should never be humiliated or shamed for not standing up for themselves, because sometimes their abusers never show any signs of violence or harm before certain events happen. A person of any gender can abuse their partner, no matter their background. If someone feels that they should have more power or say in a relationship, they may resort to violence or abuse to try to get what they want.

There can be women who hit men to get what they want and when the men want to say something, they are viewed as “weak” or “unmasculine.” What then? In that case, some people want to blame the man for not hitting her back or make fun of that person; if they have a child, the man can’t just up and leave, so there has to be a way to get out of the toxic relationship.

What we’re trying to say is that no matter the race, gender and situation, everyone can experience domestic abuse and be affected by it. If you feel like you are in a situation that you can’t get out of without help, please call The Hotline or someone you trust.