LEARNING TO IDENTIFY HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS

April is Sexual Assault awareness month, and as a way to recognize this, MHCC hosted a workshop on Tuesday by the Raphael House (a Portland shelter for sexual violence victims), presented by Sammy Cohen.

During the interactive workshop, sponsored by Mt. Hood’s Diversity Resource Center, Cohen discussed with the Fireplace Lounge audience various types of relationships, defined abuse, and addressed sexual consent.

She classified relationships within three categories: safe and equitable; less safe and less equitable; and abusive.

“Safe and equitable” means communication is clear, interdependent, boundaries are respected, and there is mutual consent and appreciation, compromise, honesty and care for both individuals. 

“Less safe and less equitable” was described as “fundamentally incompatible,” with passive aggressive communication; toxic, more frequent arguments, or avoiding conflict, in the sense of lack of communication. Moreover, these relationships are marked by selfishness, a power imbalance (one person has more control over things than the other), the way jealousy is expressed, and lacking or disrespecting boundaries, which can lead to distrust. 

Lastly there are “abusive” relationships. It is important to understand that abuse is not limited to physical violence; there may also be emotionally or spiritually abusive behavior. Some characteristics of an abusive relationship are: weaponization of emotions, manipulation, control, denying someone’s reality, isolation, breaking someone’s self-esteem, and an unhealthy pattern of power and control.

What differentiates “less safe” from “abusive” is the frequency or degree of abuse and the lack of accountability for the actions of the abuser.

Cohen said, “Abuse is a choice – but it is also a choice to be a good person, partner or friend.”

She also talked about consent in relationships. It is important to ask for consent before beginning any sexual activity, even if the partner consented in the past, she said – asking in a way that makes it clear that it would be okay if that person  said ‘No,’ so they do not feel pressured. If a partner says no, that’s okay; it is good to appreciate their honesty, she explained.

A resource for anyone with relationship issues or questions at MHCC is the Career Planning and Counseling Center, in Room AC 1152 at the Gresham campus.  This is a safe place for students to receive counseling, for not only career-related issues, but also in discussing life issues.

For those women who feel unsafe or are in abusive situations, the Portland Women’s Crisis Line is open 24/7 at 503-235-5333; either call or text.