Make the right judgment, report domestic abuse

Out of the few handfuls of people who attended a sexual assault prevention seminar on the Mt. Hood campus Wednesday, about two-thirds of 13 polled reported they had experienced or witnessed an abusive scenario where a bystander had the option to intervene.

To do so effectively takes some thought, said Amy Collins, prevention education coordinator at the Beaverton-based Sexual Assault Resource Center (S.A.R.C.), who led the brief seminar in the Town and Gown Room.

Collins discussed tips for intervening during abusive, violent, or uncomfortable situations.

“In these situations there are only two options: Do something or do nothing,” she said.

There are three main ways people normally intervene. Either they confront the offender directly, delegate the act of intervening to someone else, or find some creative way to distract the situation.

There is no one right way to intervene, but it requires judgment to decide which of the three methods would best suit the problem, Collins said.

People in the seminar were asked to chime in on reasons why someone would choose not to get involved. They gave reasons ranging from, “it’s not my problem and I’m afraid, I don’t have the time,” to “it’s not my business.” Some expressed concern that intervening during violent abuse in public would only cause more harm for the victim later in private.

“Often a fear of what’s going to happen to the person at home stops us from intervening,” Collins said. “That sends a message to the abuser that what you do is your business, and I’m okay with it. We’re not okay with it.”

Confronting domestic violence or abuse does not have to be heroic and it does not have to be like Jennifer Lopez’s hit movie, “Enough.” It’s really about reading the situation, the audience was told.

An example given in the session was that of a friend who is angry at a girlfriend and is about to leak naked photos of her. You do not always have to sympathize for the victim, Collins said. You can say to the offender: “This isn’t the right way to handle your frustration, this will end up hurting you in the long run.”

When there is a fierce argument going on, bystanders should not just swoop into action. Collins said it is not always beneficial to label someone’s behavior. Instead, ask a person “Are you okay?”

This may encourage the person to request help getting out from the situation, or it may not. It might not turn out the way you wanted; you may feel embarrassed by how you spoke or disrupted the situation, Collins explained. The most important thing is that something was done.

She said, “communities who are silent have ample violence,” but she also reminded that the “good guys” far outnumber the few bad people who are committing numerous crimes.

“When good people speak out, that prevails,” Collins said. “I think it’s encouraging when people feel empowered, when they feel like they can do something.”