Reviewer in ‘Dyer’ need of comedic relief

Is there any movie name that frightens you? I don’t just mean a disturbing title like “There will Be Blood” or “Inglorious B*st*rds,” I mean a name that terrifies you right to the core and fills you with such dread you are left a quivering mess whenever such a name is uttered.

There is only one film with a name like that…well, technically there are six…and a bunch of plays…and an animated film…anyway, it’s “BOO! A MADEA HALLOWEEN.”

For those of you that don’t know, Madea is a character created and portrayed by comedian Tyler Perry. She is an elderly, no-nonsense woman characterized by her distinctive voice, phrases, and ideology. The plot of this particular film involves Madea and her friends being called to babysit her niece, resulting in a clash with the local fraternity and a series of Halloween-themed pranks performed by both parties.

However, the plot isn’t very important here. The majority of the movie is… talking. Two-to-five characters will just sit around a set and talk about stuff for 10 minutes at a time. They will talk about one character’s medical marijuana card, then about the importance of discipline in child-rearing, then maybe something about the plot.

Nothing they say is particularly funny or interesting. It reminds me of a group of old family members talking about their day to each other; they might think they are saying some pretty cool things, but nobody in their right mind would make a movie about it, yet alone several.

In a way, this is somewhat fascinating, not unlike listening to a lecture from Socrates after he spent a long night with a cask of Assyrtiko. Bear in mind, on a technical level this is not the worst movie ever made. Heck, it’s not even the worst comedy I have seen this month. It appears to have a script, the actors look like they are enjoying themselves, and the set design is middle-to-average. But at the very least, when you see a horrendous comedy, such as “Masterminds,” you might leave with some kind of emotion: hate, bafflement, boredom, etc. The true nefarious power of “A Madea Halloween” is that it creates no kind of reaction whatsoever. One leaves at a loss of words and with a vague sense of regret, but nothing else to speak of.

However, the worst part about this film is something I have not mentioned yet. When I saw this movie, there was a long line of people outside the concession office purchasing tickets for it, one after another. The theater was packed with people of all ages. But the most confusing part is, they were all laughing. By all appearances, most of the people in there loved it. Though I could not pick out an actual joke, quip, or comedic element in the film, everyone still cracked up when Tyler Perry would say “Hollerween” or suddenly return to his male voice for a moment.

As of right now, A Madea Halloween had the highest box office returns of any movie this weekend, putting it ahead of both the “Jack Reacher” sequel and the “Ouija” sequel. So clearly, it has some hidden attributes that I have yet to discern. Luckily, my opinion is always right, so I am going to assume there was a mass hypnosis scheme hidden in the advertising, combined with a nitrous oxide leak.