The flirtatious freedom of being single

I have all this free time to eat Pringles and watch Hannibal on my Kindle while laying in bed next to my cat. I don’t care what my parents say – “You’re going to turn into a single old lady with 15 cats!” – I feel on top of the world. I’m saying I am not going to turn into a cat lady, or a potato-eating monster, for that matter. I’m saying being single is amazing.

Sure, it’s nice having someone to cuddle with and watch movies with, and to hike and take cute selfies with. Dating can be great. “Can” is the key word because dating can also be awful. Clingy people are like leeches sucking the life and fun out of everything. Remember those friends you used to have? Because I don’t. Controlling relationships are just no bueno. If someone tells me what to do, I do the opposite. Then there are those people who are hardly ever around. It’s nice being able to still have your own time but when it gets to the point when your partner is blowing you off, the relationship is probably over.

Now, back to being single, and it being awesome: Being single doesn’t mean being single. There are so many opportunities. Flirting and looking at cute dudes is just one of the options. In a relationship it would be heartbreakingly rude to look at other men and complement their well-toned butt – out of a relationship, there are no rules. Dating a new person every week isn’t a terrible thing, unless you’re a hussy. It’s great to meet new people without getting into the messiness of a relationship. Plus, dudes just buy you food.

Just kidding! As soon as someone offers to buy you food, fall back. The payment of food is like a warning call that an emotional bomb is about to be dropped. The key to having a good dating rotation is that your dates don’t know each other, no one develops feelings for each other, and you just have a fun time. Food is the symbol for feelings; it’s a bomb. Once the bomb is deployed you either break one person’s heart by not reciprocating feeling, or fall in love and break the hearts of everyone in your dating rotation.

Another great thing about the single life: you reconnect with friends. Unfortunately, not all relationships can work on seeing each other once a week. Slowly, your free time turns into boy/girlfriend time. Honestly, friends and cats are cooler. When with friends and cats, one doesn’t have to look nice: Crocs and socks, yoga pants, and ugly sweaters are welcome outfit choices. Side note: Boys need to stop saying “I like you without your makeup, you’re beautiful enough.” B*tch please, this makeup is for myself.

The last wonderful thing about being single is doing whatever you want. Sometimes you get those opposite relationships. Having similar likes and dislikes is great. It means hanging out is easier to do and more enjoyable for both parties. Having hardly anything in common just makes your soul wither and die. Having activities, likes, dislikes, and sports is what makes a person unique. Without those things you love doing, you lose yourself. It is more important to do what you love and be yourself, whether that be a potato chip-eating monster or a hiking fiend, then to have someone hold you back from being you.

So dump your boyfriends and girlfriends and join this amazing life of being single, because it’s great.