Yelpers: Get off your horse and in touch with reality

For those of you not familiar with Yelp, it is both an online site and phone app that generates hatemongering and self-proclaimed critics with no background in statistical research or the skills required to tie their own shoes.

Whoa, where’d that come from, you ask? Well, I am not delivering this from blind angst or even telling you the idea of Yelp is nonsense, because it could work…with a careful screening process. The perceived food critic “Help Wanted” ad hypothetically generated by Yelp’s staff should read like the following: “We are looking for someone with an understanding of how a business is run and does not walk around all day with a ‘holier-than-thou’ attitude. Must possess a more refined palate than your average six-year-old, be able to afford the meal at the spot up for review, have the ability to communicate with other humans using rational thought. Douchebags, ass-clowns and window-lickers need not apply.”

My point here is not to trash the “Yelpers” or the community supporting them, but to tell my side of the story. You see, I was the District Manager for an investment firm that operated a franchised restaurant chain in San Diego. My duties included day-to-day operations of the business, but had many other side jobs attached, such as the appointed administrator for our local Yelp page. I never had to kiss so much ass in my life. Don’t get me wrong, I thoroughly enjoy the customer service aspect of the business, and still relish the chance to provide the best product and service at my current job. But as you all know, once people get online, they turn into feral animals with no sense of judgment.

I’ll provide you with an anecdote to support my claims. At one of my locations, a first-time guest dined in while I was at a different store (as much as my ownership group wanted me to be in three different places at once, I never could figure out how), and had a less than amazing experience. Instead of telling the manager on duty (always, always, ALWAYS get a manager to help you on the spot – you’ll feel a lot better about life), he took to Yelp and began trashing the store over something that should’ve easily been resolved in real time, had he voiced his issue then.

These online ferals’ patience meter goes from zero-to-fuck-you in about seven seconds if they don’t get a reply by then. I, as the admin, would reach out to almost everyone who commented about one of my three locations, whether good reviews (we stayed at 4.5 stars throughout my tenure), bad reviews, or anything in-between. On this particular day, I was arriving home at about 11 p.m., typical for my 80-hour work week, before opening up my laptop and scouring through reports before bedtime. This late hour was also reserved for my Yelp replies, and wouldn’t you know it, the same guest who complained earlier in the day messaged me directly, basically telling me I was a piece of shit for not getting back to him earlier that afternoon.

Okay, folks, results will come with just an ounce of patience, and don’t let a less-than-satisfactory lunch ruin your entire day. Better yet, don’t let it ruin someone else’s, either. Talk it through like the mature adults we pretend to be, and move on.

Of course, I was nothing but cordial to this young gentlemen, and went out of my way to cater for his entire retail office, on my company dime. I was happy to do it, too, because without customers, there is no business. But without Yelp, there’d be better business.

Advocate Staff