Batman is the best; Superman is a sellout

Authorial intent is dead. Mass production is the standard; ergo, the masses determine what’s of merit in the art world.

The masses have spoken: Batman is cooler than Superman.

I honestly feel as if I shouldn’t have to write this, but some people (Hayden) just can’t think rationally about characters from their childhood.

And I understand that; nostalgia can be a powerful emotion – but it’s just as understandable that I would express concern when someone tells me that said nostalgia revolves around an illegal alien/felon who wears his underwear over his pants.

I know some super-freaks out there would point to Batman’s relationship with Robin in an attempt to degrade the dynamic duo, and to those people I say: Shame on you. What they have is platonic and beautiful. You need help.

Other naysayers complain that Batman is too dark.

Oh, I’m sorry. I guess too many people died in The Charge of the Light Brigade for your taste, too? Were Romeo and Juliet a little too heavy on the romance?

But, concerning my original point, the canon is simply too big. For example, Aquaman might have been rebooted as a total badass in the New 52 with a bunch of new powers but that’s not the public’s opinion of Aquaman. There are so many contradictions in the DC universe, it would be just plain stupid to judge superheroes based exclusively on the super-powers attributed to them over the years.

But, Batman has no powers, you say? Exactly!  He earned his stripes, and you’re definitely not going to catch him crying over a few glowing rocks. What is Superman without his powers?  Answer: a closeted spandex fetishist who never adjusted to life outside of Kansas. Go back to the farm, hayseed, Metropolis never asked for you.

The people of Gotham, however, did consent to Batman’s vigilante shenanigans, clearly shown through the beacon of hope that is the Bat Signal.

And one more thing: What is “Superman” if not a corporate catch-all, targeted towards children? It might have seemed humorous at the time, but conversations like the one in “Stand by Me” that compared him to Mighty Mouse are very relevant. It’s right there in his name- he’s just “super.” He needs no depth or integrity because he’s a walking ad.