The inevitable cycle of winter activities

 

It all starts with being stuck at home with nothing to do. We move from the couch to the fridge to the bed to the car and then back to the couch.

Television. That’s where the cycle begins.

Why are so many people obsessed with tiny colorful pixels formed into pictures with an audio feed? Most of these motion pictures are drama-based television shows. Most of us can admit we are sadly addicted to some of these dramas. Some of us hide in the closet so that no one will know our addictions. I personally am not addicted to “Grey’s Anatomy,” but I will admit to watching more “Barbie” movies than I should have – every Barbie movie.

However, it’s not the drama shows that we get tired of – it’s the commercials. Unless you’re my father, or have a DVR, then fast-forwarding isn’t an option for all the drama, non-action scenes, and commercials. So, every time it gets down to the real need-to-know drama, climactic scenes, it goes to commercial. What if a patient from “House” is on the verge of dying? What if Heidi Klum is about to reveal who the winner of “Project Runway” is? I’ll never know what is going to happen, because those commercials make me so angry that I resort to the fridge.

Ah, the fridge, our next stop in this never-ending cycle of winter activities – the thing holds delicious food: raw meat, raw eggs, leftovers that are weeks old. I open it, decide cooking is a terrible idea, and shut the door. Grabbing junk food instead, the next stop is Netflix in bed.

What does Netflix have to give that TV doesn’t, though? The answer is nothing. All of the shows and movies Netflix has to offer are 10 years old and have already been watched: That movie was so yesterday’s two-hour adventure, that you had to tell the parents about and so totally ruin the plot for them.

Finding yourself back at the fridge can be depressing. No fast and easy food means driving, or worse: walking. Bundling up for the wind and Oregon rain, a fast-food run with a max of three dollars to spend is always the way to go. Some of us may find themselves digging into college or car money, but what’s more important at the time? The answer is always your stomach. How can you go to school if you’ve died from starvation?

Driving home from Taco Bell, the next stop in the cycle happens as you see the park or some other exciting, hazardous site. An outdoor adventure stroll follows, until after two minutes, rain soaks through your clothes and your shoes become soggy. The wind won’t stop slapping your now-red face and the brutal conditions of the outdoors stops your adventure short. The realization that “it’s too cold for this sh*t” sends you home.

Ten minutes later, you’re back on the couch watching TV.