Salmon-Man Runs

One drizzly Wednesday morning, not unlike others throughout Multnomah County’s chilly January weather, Dale Gonzo peered out of his bedroom window, hesitant to face the day.

Pushed back a couple days by snow and ice, it was the opening of Winter Term at recently renamed Joshida Community College, and the course schedule seemed rather daunting to the shy young man. Nevertheless, he gathered his belongings and made the mile-long jog to campus, hoping to arrive early and check out his new surroundings.

A short ten minutes later, he was already scouting out his classrooms, making his way around school grounds. He then decided to take a stroll to the pond just outside of the gymnasium. The events that followed are hazy to Gonzo, but all he remembers now was waking up, soaking wet on a nearby bench, with the scent of Original Gourmet in his clothing.

“It was the weirdest thing,” he recalled. “I was just circling the pond, and it felt like something pulled me in. All I could think about when I came to was making it to class on time.” But the 9 a.m. start for PE 185 had long passed, and feeling too queasy to go on, he thought it best to call it a day, he said.

The rain picked up as he began to saunter home; a steady downpour beat on him while his pace became brisk. A casual walk turned to a run, and finally, a sprint. In no time he was moving faster than the light traffic on Stark… in a 35 mph zone. Adding to his surprise, he started feeling better, more vibrant and alive. “Maybe this rain is all I needed,” he thought to himself. By the time he reached his neighborhood, he just kept going.

“I don’t know what came over me, but I wasn’t getting tired. I didn’t want to get out of the rain,” Gonzo said. Come nightfall, he skipped his routine shower and drew a bath instead, opting to relax and shake off the weirdness of that morning. Instead of getting a normal night’s sleep though, he lay submerged in the tub, eyes wide open, just waiting for morning to come.

Once Gonzo finished his only class the next day, he knew what he had to do. The way running had felt after the “accident;” the desire to be in and around water; the classic Yoshida sauce mysteriously empowering him: He must run steeplechase for Joshida Track and Field.

With confidence, he raced over to Earl L. Klapstein Stadium where the Taekwon-Tenders were hosting practice, and flew right by the distance runners on the track. The water obstacle sat a mere 10 meters ahead, and the 3-foot tall steeple barrier was all that stood in his path to a body of water more than 12 feet wide and 2 feet deep.

Of course Gonzo took the nontraditional approach, leaping completely over the hurdle, thrusting himself directly into the pool, soaking up all the glorious H20 his Yoshida-modified cells could handle. He emerged, scales glistening in the sun, newly formed fins stretching toward the sky, and gills eagerly pumping – Salmon-Man had arrived, and he would set records for JCC.