Though often difficult, self-love is important

“And maybe you should go and love yourself.” If you thought of Justin Bieber’s song, you are correct. And while he’s ripping his ex, in this case, the actual idea of “self love” is pretty important.

As someone who’s been bullied for years, struggled with ADHD, lacked in social cues and suffered family drama, I found difficulty in loving myself. It wasn’t until I was 17 ½ that I began to appreciate myself.

I grew up believing that no one thought I’d be capable of making it on my own, or that I wasn’t worthy enough. It was difficult enough that I didn’t have a strong father figure then, when I needed him most. He was there, but was unable to give me the guidance that I’ve been wanting from him.

My parents filed for a divorce when I was 5 years old. When they both remarried a year after the divorce, I was given two step-parents and five new siblings. Being an only child, this was completely new territory for me. I was subjected to living in two different households where the rules constantly changed.  At the time, I struggled with a speech delay. I couldn’t communicate with my parents, or grandparents about how I was feeling. My go-to for communicating was through raging fits and tantrums.

Something as simple as saying, “I don’t like that bowl of cereal, Mom,” or “Dad, can we go to the park today?” was so difficult. Maybe a few words came out of my mouth; everything else was pure gibberish.

It left me angry, frustrated and verbally neglected because I felt that no one heard my voice. Or cared to hear it. Mom, Dad, Grandma, Grandpa, and pretty much everybody, had difficulty understanding me. My early childhood years, through half of high school, were the darkest times in my life.

The point is, I grew up with this chip on my shoulder that felt a need to prove to others (myself included) that I was worthy enough to be successful.

Since then, having a support network, and role models that inspired and taught me that, anything is possible and that my name is Monique, not ‘extra challenges.’

Everyone has their own set of challenges, and they don’t define you as a person. It’s what you do with those challenges that does. That’s not to say that these things will come quickly or easily for all people dealing with challenges. Being able to come to terms with ourselves is something that takes time and patience, and definitely a lot of learning.

Still, my advice to anybody struggling is that it will get better if you believe it will, put in the work and effort, focus on your goals, and really, have heart. It will happen.